A Peachy Encounter

System starting…

Transmitting data.
Downloading…

12 files found.
Opening…

Case file #6: Unknown Human
Gender: Female
Occupation: Possibly a Queen
Status: Interrogation in Progress…

Playing recorded file.

“Day 1.  Subject has been taken into custody for trespassing on restricted property.  Interrogation process will now begin…..Hello there, miss.  Glad to see you’re looking healthy.”

“Was there something I did wrong?  Who are you anyway?”

“You were taken in due to invading a restricted area.  Why were you there?”

“I don’t even know where I am!  How am I supposed to know that?!”

“Everyone in the galaxy knows that area KB-219 is off-limits to all civilians.  YOU should ALSO know that, being from a local inhabited planet.  Who are you and why were you there?”

“If you’re going to be like that with me, then I won’t be talking to you.  You may have long blonde hair like me, but that doesn’t give you the right to be so rude!”

Fast forwarding file.  Replaying data…

“Day 3.  Subject still seems a little calmed now after our previous chit-chat.  I may have to be a little more lenient with my tone if I’m going to get some answers…..Hello again, ma’am.  I do apologize for my rather ‘harsh’ tone before, so this time I’m going to try to be calm with you.  Now tell me….who are you?”

“That’s much better….I’m Princess Toadstool, but everyone just calls me Peach.”

“Well now, at least we’re making some progress.”

“What’s your name?”

“I dunno if I should be giving that out…”

“Well, it’s not nice that I give my name and you don’t do the same…  That’s just impolite.”

“*sighs* …fine.  My name is Samus Aran, bounty hunter for hire.”

End recording.  Choose new file.

New file chosen.  Now playing file …

“Day 4.  I still have yet to get anything out of her.  Since she doesn’t seem much of a threat, I’ve figured out a way to make her talk.  Granted, it isn’t the most professional method, but it’s the least lethal interrogation method I have available…..Good morning, Peach.  I see you’re up bright and early.”

“Do you know if I’ll be going home soon?”

“Only after we go through as much data as we can get from you.  We still don’t know much about where you came from and how you got there.  If your claims check out, you’ll be set free.”

“Then this should be easy!  I KNOW I’m not some kind of crook.”

“Please, take a seat.”

“Okay…….Ooohh, this chair’s rather comfy.”

“I sure hope so.  *click*”

“H-hey!  My chair’s moving!  Eeee!  What are these metal clamps for?!”

“Security measures.  No one’s gonna harm you.”

“You don’t have to do this!  H-hey!  Why are you taking off my shoes?!  Put them back on!”

“All part of the procedure.  You don’t need to be so hasty.”

“I wouldn’t be so hasty if you would just let me gooOOHoohoHOHOHOohO!”

“A ticklish one, huh?  How do you like the underarm tickling?”

“NOOOHoOHohoHAhAHHAhahAHahHA StAHAHHAhhaHAhahhAhAHAP!!”

“Coochie coochie cooo~!”

“NOOOHHOHooOHOHAhhaAHaHHAHAHAAahHEHehHEHHEhHEHHEHEhhEhHE!!!”

Recording stopped.  Some of the audio has been corrupted.  Playing uncorrupted files…

“*huffing and puffing* Please….enough, I told you what I know already!”

“I’m not so sure I can believe that.”

“No…no no no, please!  Not the feet!  Not the feeEHheEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!”

“Oh my goodness, in tears already?”

“STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAP PLEEHEHEEHEHEEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!  I’VE TOLD YOU EHEHEHHEHEHEVERYEHEHEHETHIHIHIHING HAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Boy, my fingers alone are doing just as well as any other tickle method, huh?”

“YEEHEHEHEEHEEEHEHEHSSSAHAHAHHAHAHAHA PLEASE STAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAP!!!!”

“Are you suuuuure you’re not hiding anything?”

“IHIHIHIMM NAHAHAHAHAHAHAT, I SWHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHRR!!!!”

“Hmm…..alright, I believe you then.”

“*huffing and puffing* if….you…believe me now…..then…why didn’t….you…then?”

“I had to be sure……Alright, she’s clean.  Get her back to her home.”

End recording.  Exiting program…